[This journal entry is from February 25th, 2005. As always, Jay’s current thoughts about this entry are in the post script – Dawn]
Negativity and You
Negativity is not you. It’s just not you. Negativity is always transient; and as Spirit, you are Eternal. Spirit always was, always is and always will be. A moment of negativity, even if that moment lasts a lifetime, is going to pass. Negative crap uses its energy up, but Spirit is energy. Negativity has energy and power, as much as we decide to give it; but Spirit doesn’t just have energy, it is energy.
You can spend all day, all week , all month on eradicating a negative from your life. It may seem overwhelming, it may be tough; but you will succeed if you are relentless. You could spend a lifetime (or many lifetimes) trying to be rid of Spirit, and you will be no closer to your goal when you finally give up than you were when you started.
Spirit is where everyone and everything comes from. It is the womb of Creation. Trying to destroy Spirit with negativity is like trying to stop a tank with water balloons. Only more pointless and futile.
We go through many stages of negative emotion on our way to complete recognition of our spiritual selves. The soul easily finds its way to apathy, not caring and not wanting to do anything about it. The next step is generally sadness; feeling bad, knowing you feel bad but still doing nothing about it. Anger moves us into a place where we feel bad and have energy to do something about it.
We make a 180 degree shift after anger, and it can be a difficult stage of internal alchemy. We move into a positive arena with acceptance, and it’s the first time we’re not dominated by negatives. We change inside with acceptance, and the world outside changes with us. When we find our way to being okay with the way the world is, we find that there has been an okay world waiting out there for us the whole time.
There are still negatives in the world, but not nearly as many as you thought there were before the shift. Besides, you understand them now. They’re not permanent, and they’re not even really negatives. They’re just Spirit waiting to be filled with light and recognized as such. We can still sometimes let ourselves be threatened by negatives while learning acceptance, and it’s usually by anger and frustration. It can be easy to get frustrated knowing if everyone just relaxed and accepted, the world would be a very serene place. But then you’re back in the negativity trap; and it doesn’t matter why you’re negative, only that you are.
Continue to accept, though, and you will find your way to a state of Love. You don’t just understand how people can be the way they are, you love them. You love their light, their journey, that Spirit that will always dwell in them. Spirit is Eternal.
This is actually pretty clearly written, although it might more appropriately have been titled “Negativity is Not You”, or perhaps “Negativity is Not Real”. Negativity and darkness are a product of perception, not reality. One thing I apparently have learned is that “eradicating a negative from your life” is possibly the most difficult method of becoming positive in outlook and results.
If I were to get up in the middle of the night craving a snack, I may find myself in a dark kitchen in a confused and sleepy haze. If I am afraid of the dark in and of itself, my initial desire may be forgotten as I stand there gripped by fear. Groping about frantically, I might knock some glasses or plates onto the floor, grab a knife by the blade… I could create a very dangerous scenario trying to identify or avoid the things I cannot see.
Or I could turn on the light. I could pour myself a glass of sparkling water, nibble a bit of chocolate and find my way back to bed without a moment’s distress. The things that are there in the darkness are the same things that are present in the light. Darkness is not a thing. I can’t trip on it or slip on it or cut myself on it. I can’t turn on the fan and blow it out the window or brandish a kitchen knife and chase it out the door. I can’t reason with the darkness or plumb its depths to discover its essence. The moment I discover something, it’s not darkness.
I’m not saying that there are not people out there who do shitty things. I’m saying that it is a lack of light within that leads to this, not the presence of darkness. It is the issues at our deepest core that need the light the most for our happiest self to emerge, the very same issues that cause us the most trouble when shrouded in darkness. Once again this is a matter of perspective, but the shift is an important one. Trying to eradicate something that isn’t there is a waste of time and energy, and the thing that is in need of attention is experiencing abuse and neglect. Guilt and shame are all too often tied in with the efforts made to disassociate one part of the self from another part of the self using the same self.
The only way to embrace your demons is to identify some aspect of who you are as dark or evil. If you peel back the mask that you created, you don’t have to pretend that you are brave in facing or embracing your demons; you can simply relax into the arms of the angel under the mask. Every aspect of life must be examined in stillness and then practiced on the playing field, re-examined and practiced again. One of the ways to make this process enjoyable rather than torturous is to see the process as the blessing it is.
Life is going to take a chisel to you, no matter who you are. The choice we each get to make is between seeing ourselves as a finished product being scarred by each stroke or as a beautiful piece of art covered in extraneous materials that sluff off with every swing of the hammer. There is no darkness when you turn on the light.
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