Did you know that people can actually be allergic to each other? There is no question that pheromones play a part in who is attracted to whom; but that’s not the only part they seem to play. Each person’s unique body chemistry is affected a little bit differently by every other person’s unique body chemistry, and some of those effects can be pretty powerful. When it’s good, it can be really good.
But, when it’s bad….
It’s not terribly uncommon for young single women to take birth control. It’s a responsible way to avoid mistakes, or be a little irresponsible without worrying about catching the worst STD of all time: unwanted babies. There’s something in those medications that changes a woman’s body chemistry, though; and something terrible has become alarmingly common as a result.
Women are choosing their life mates while they are operating on altered body chemistry. Many of these women find themselves attracted to ‘Mister Right’, and decide to settle down. They get married, and she decides to go off birth control so they can start a family together. And then, seemingly overnight, a strange thing happens.
‘Mister Right’ is now ‘Mister All Wrong’, according to the new/old body chemistry. They may both try to make things work regardless, but the chemistry is literally not there anymore. That guy that used to turn her on so much is now that guy that turns her off completely, and the only way she can get back that loving feeling is to get back on the same birth control. This has ended many marriages, or at least been a deciding factor. How weird is that?
Well, it’s not as weird as this:
Some people really are allergic to each other. Physically, literally allergic. One of the most noteworthy instances of this is pretty rare, but it still happens. Some women break out in a rash when a certain man’s ejaculate comes in contact with their skin. While the right man’s sperm will do nothing but benefit her hair and her skin, according to almost everyone with an argument about it, the wrong man’s will literally cause burning, itching, and discomfort.
Talk about not being right for each other.
Don’t ask me how they found this out, or wonder what the guy was doing spraying his ejaculate on her skin; in this case, it’s probably better that he didn’t do it where we might expect him to.
So, let’s refresh, and dial it back a little. There are over a million languages in the world; there are countless physical, physiological and psychological issues that can prevent us from connecting completely even with those we love whole-heartedly…and now we have to worry about hijacked chemistry and sperm allergies?
Those of us with compatible partners are fools to not take at least a moment to thank our lucky stars every day. Lonely people are most likely to be targeted by everyone from the con artist to the immoral advertising agency, and pairing up with the wrong person can feel like you’ve been duped in the worst way by both.
Some traditions prevent widows and widowers from getting married again, no matter how much life they have left in them. Others praise folks who split up at the slightest inconvenience, and encourage partnerships where men somehow stop being men and women somehow stop being women. Never mind the other seventy or so genders; we’re still trying to figure these two out, or redefine them entirely.
It’s no wonder that those of us who believe in love often believe in destiny as well. Under random circumstances, the perfect match for most of us would be in another country, with a different background, and with no chance of our paths ever crossing. It either takes a real fool or a lot of faith to keep looking for love when you know anything about math, and the lovers of the world need to learn to embrace both.
Of course, those of us that have found love can also rest on our laurels to some degree. When we see someone searching like we used to, we can dig up all those phrases that got us through the lonely days and the trying relationships. Like this one:
“Focus on you; it will come when you least expect it.”
I’ve always loved that saying. As much truth as there is in it, it’s also a little misleading. The best way to make your life better in any way is to work on yourself, naturally; but as soon as you become someone who works on yourself deliberately, you’ll probably lose interest in the folks who don’t work on themselves. That just made your list of potentially fulfilling partners even smaller, since you will now be drawn to others who are working on themselves and repelled by those who are satisfied with the way things are.
The next step, when you’re looking for anything but a romantic partner, is to take action based on your desires or intuition. According to that old saying, we don’t do this with love. Instead, we wait. It’s nice to see that an increasing number of people are disregarding this advice, and putting themselves out there online; that’s where more and more lovers are coming together these days, after all. That means they at least put some effort into getting what they want, even if they just created a profile. It’s better to take somewhat of an active role in our own destiny, and one of the most important aspects of a lover’s destiny is finding and caring for that perfect partner.
Our buttons will get pressed, even in the most ideal scenario; that’s why they are there, after all. As much as our issues may help push away the people that are all wrong for us, we need to make sure they don’t have the same effect on that perfect partner when we find them. At that point, the pendulum swings the other way; issues become something to address together, and a way to get closer to your partner than you have ever been to anyone. Everyone in the relationship is then completely responsible for creating a loving environment where all parties involved can be themselves without fear of rejection or ridicule, and those walls that got built to keep the wrong people out have to come down if we are to let the right people in.
I’ve met a lot of people, both single and attached, and I’ve always been interested in how they viewed love and romance. For a long time, I was disappointed in how common it was for people to see love as a very passive event. They wouldn’t expect to find a job or a place to live without looking, and putting at least some kind of effort forth; yet they waited for love, and expected it to come to them even when they were in a relationship. Instead of making themselves the perfect partner, and being prepared to commit to another perfect partner when they came along, they would wait for the perfect partner to come along and love them as they were.
Some people think that the perfect partner will never challenge them emotionally, or push those buttons we talked about earlier. Others think that their issues will evaporate when they find the right person, or that the right person will help them deal with their issues without having any of their own. That sounds about as ridiculous, to me, as trying to make it work with someone whose bodily fluids cause an allergic reaction.
I mean, it would take a miracle…
Most of the great messiah stories involve a miracle or two, as most fans of such stories can attest; they also often involve a resurrection. What I didn’t realize until I was in my twenties was that people actually used to come back to life on a regular basis. I also used to think that the bell they tied around the finger of the presumed dead was the origin of the term ‘dead ringer’, but I have since set myself straight on that. We’ll talk about all that, next week, in a post called ‘Resurrection used to be common!’
Thanks for reading!
All the best,